I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
