You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
