no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if only i could text you this smell
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
