i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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