just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
