I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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