Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
