And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
