True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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