Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
