Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
