I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
