ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
