I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
