I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
