I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize