I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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