So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
