I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
