youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
