Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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