I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize