I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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