A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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