I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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