I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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