Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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