FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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