no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
