I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is it because I queefed?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
