Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
