Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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