Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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