I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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