the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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