It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
