I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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