He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
