Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
