ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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