i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
