while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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