I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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