we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize