Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
