make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
