I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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