2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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