wat bout pragnant strippers??
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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