wake up i wanna do it froggy style
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
