Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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