I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
