i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
