If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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