i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
