this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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