ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
