Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
