is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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