Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
