I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
