never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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