god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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