it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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